


Those Blue Memories Start Calling

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Christmas, M/M, New Year's Kiss, Pining, commitment issues, snowflakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:03:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9096442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: For most of his life, Castiel had spent Christmas alone.  The Winchesters changed that.
Now he's alone again, and he has no one to blame but himself.  He misses Sam and Dean.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @winchester-writes Christmas writing challenge.
> 
> Prompt: "Blue Christmas" and snowflake.

Why was he even bothering to decorate his tree? It was a crappy two-foot plastic tree with no actual branches, just needles sticking out and cheesy fake ornaments already on it – little red circles meant to be Christmas balls, Castiel assumed.

It matched the hotel room he was in. Crappy fake-wood furniture with soulless decorations that looked more like someone had heard of decorating but never actually seen how it was done than like they’d actually thought they were good. Just like most of the hotel rooms he’d stayed in over the years.

It was funny. He’d never really thought of Christmas until a few years ago. His Christmases had always been spent in places like this, or in shelters or group homes where they tried but there were too many kids and not enough resources. College had been dorm rooms, staying through the holidays because he had nowhere else to go.

Then he’d met Dean Winchester, saved the man’s life in a barfight that someone had brought a gun to. Dean brought Castiel home with him from the emergency room after realizing that Castiel was just going back to an empty motel room. It was two days to Christmas, and Dean refused to let his savior spend Christmas alone.

Castiel had agreed eventually. That’s how he met Sam, Dean’s younger brother. They got off to a bad start. Castiel had always been uncomfortable with attention and responded badly to Sam’s awe and gratitude when the younger man learned how Castiel and Dean met. On Christmas, though, Sam had given Castiel a present. It wasn’t much, just a sparkly snowflake ornament, but that snowflake had melted the frost between the two.

What had initially been staying through Christmas became staying through the holidays. On New Year’s Eve, as they drank champagne and counted down, Sam had started inching closer to Castiel. When the ball dropped, Sam closed the last distance with a kiss. Castiel was startled, but not too startled to respond. Things were a little awkward with Dean the next day, as Dean accused Castiel of abusing his hospitality to play with his little brother, but Sam intervened and told Dean he’d started it and Castiel assured Dean that he had no intention of playing with Sam.

After that, Castiel’s next four Christmases had been magical. Amazing. Christmas had come to mean his friendship with Dean, and the New Year his relationship with Sam. For the first time in his life, Castiel had roots. He had attachments. He had a reason not to just move on to the next town, the next crappy job for a couple months before he got restless.

Then came the fight. At Thanksgiving, Sam asked Castiel to marry him. Castiel panicked. He lashed out at Sam, accusing him of trying to cage him. Sam was confused – was this not a long-term thing for Castiel? The fight had ended with Castiel storming out, getting on a bus, and getting himself lost in Maine. It was as far from Kansas as he could get.

He’d regretted leaving as soon as he opened the door to his hotel room. Now that he was away, that he had time to think, he did want to marry Sam. When he called to apologize and beg for a second chance, Sam didn’t answer. Dean either. That first week, he tried several times a day. It had gradually tapered off, and he hadn’t called for five days by now. It was Christmas Eve, and he was staring at the stupid tree he’d bought because he could no longer imagine not doing anything for Christmas.  
Sam and Dean were probably happy. He’d seen on the news that Kansas was experiencing a white Christmas, something he knew the Winchester brothers loved. They had each other. That was all they’d ever needed to be happy. It was snowing in Maine, too, but the snowflakes here just made Castiel feel lonelier.

He had just about finished decorating his tree when there was a knock at the door. He opened it to find the night clerk standing there, a package in his hand. “Hey. Um. There was a guy here asking about you. I wouldn’t tell him anything, but he seemed really sure you were here. He asked me to give you this. I told him I couldn’t do that, but he left it anyway when he left, so I figured I might as well.”

Castiel took the box curiously. His eyes welled up with tears when he saw the glass snowflake inside. “Do you remember what the guy looked like?”

“I remember he was really tall, and his hair was kinda long. Wasn’t from around here.”

Sam. It had to be. “If he comes back, tell him whatever he wants to know.” He closed the door and picked up his cell phone. There weren’t many contacts, so it wasn’t hard to find Sam’s name. His thumb hovered over the call button for what felt like forever. Finally, as he picked up the snowflake, he found the courage to call.

Sam answered. “Castiel?”

“Sam, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have run from you.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have ignored your calls, either. I shouldn’t have surprised you with that. Should have realized it was something we needed to discuss before there was any pressure. I’m so sorry, Cas. Please forgive me.”

“Sam, no. Don’t you dare do that. I was scared, yes, but you had no reason to think I’d say no, let alone run away.”

“Cas, you always talk about all the places you’ve been, and all the places you still want to go. Part of the reason I asked you to marry me was because I was scared you’d run. I should have realized…”

“Why? I didn’t realize until I left that any time I talked about wanting to see some place new, I wanted you and Dean there with me.”

He could hear the shakiness of Sam’s breathing. “Does that mean that if I ask, you’ll come home?”

“That means that I’m asking if you’ll let me come home.”

“Dean and I will be there in ten minutes to pick you up.”

“Dean’s with you?”

“Yeah, uh, he may want to kick your ass. Don’t worry about him.”

There was a scuffle on the other end of the line. When it was over, Dean had the phone. “Cas. Good to know you saw sense. No one should be alone on Christmas.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are the snowflakes I use to decorate my tree!


End file.
